♥

Cheese

2011-09-25T23:59:00.001-05:00

I normally don't do videos... but I'm pretty sure I want to remember this one.

Especially fitting my mood...

2011-09-24T22:43:00.000-05:00

"Hey Soul Sister" - Train

Heeey heeeey heeeeey

Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains
I knew I wouldn't forget you
And so I went and let you blow my mind
Your sweet moonbeam
The smell of you in every single dream I dream
I knew when we collided you're the one I have decided
Who's one of my kind

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight

Heeey heeeey heeeey

Just in time, I'm so glad you have a one track mind like me
You gave my life direction
A game show love connection, we can't deny
I'm so obsessed
My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you, like a virgin, you're Madonna
And I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight

The way you can cut a rug
Watching you is the only drug I need
So gangster, I'm so thug
You're the only one I'm dreaming of
You see I can be myself now finally
In fact there's nothing I can't be
I want the world to see you'll be with me

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight
Heeey heeeey heeeeey (tonight)

2011-09-18T18:51:00.000-05:00

"Undisclosed Desires" - Muse

I know you've suffered
But I don't want you to hide
It's cold and loveless
I won't let you be denied

Soothing
I'll make you feel pure
Trust me
You can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers
That you're wicked and divine
You may be a sinner
But your innocence is mine

Please me
Show me how it's done
Tease me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Please me
Show me how it's done
Trust me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

2011-08-20T04:45:00.002-05:00

I could totally go for smaller boobs right now.

Stoopid boobs.

My poor unloved blog!

I think I'm going to sleep.

Looking forward to a new day. :)

May I show my appreciation to the wonderful little family I have.

2011-08-08T20:39:00.000-05:00

Yucky mood, go away!

Counting the days...

2011-05-16T11:29:00.001-05:00

until Memorial Day weekend and Buffalo Springs Lake!! I can't wait to be on this for hours.

http://www.samsclub.com/sams/shop/product.jsp?productId=prod2980005&pid=CSE_Froogle&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=sku1975535

Pictures to come.

2011-02-04T21:22:00.002-06:00

bored!

too inside my head.

I don't like that my blog looks screwy but I don't wanna fiiiiiix it! Whine whine whine whine whine.

U nuaa tiy.

2011-01-21T21:53:00.000-06:00

2011-01-21T21:45:00.003-06:00

2010-09-13T02:07:00.003-05:00

Apparently I need to check my social networking sites once in a while...

Sakari is 83 pounds. This is a great weight for her. However, she's still growing at eighteen months old. Once she is two (in February), she'll stop getting taller and start filling out. I really, really love my dog. I also love raw feeding.

Nik is super sweet.

I can't wait until Christmas.

I really need to post some pictures of my puppy.

2010-07-04T05:41:00.003-05:00

We just got back... two weeks in Big Bend was awesome. Came home to serious flooding, though. I get to spend time with my cousin Lydia this next few weeks! Cooking, pictures, animals... I'll definitely post a lot.

2010-06-12T02:49:00.002-05:00

Oh yeah... we're going to Big Bend in eight days!!

Hmm, I still haven't really posted pictures from our last trip. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get around to that in a couple days.

2010-06-12T02:33:00.001-05:00

This is Sakari's best bud, Lexi. We've been hanging out with her and her human, Tyler!

Raw Dieting

2010-06-12T02:19:00.002-05:00

I love this. Sakari is so happy, and I'm enthralled by her every meal. Raw bones are safe, yadda yadda yadda, she's not going to get salmonella poisoning, etc. She has a very well balanced diet. No thanks to the nutritionist that we blew $100 bucks on, though. Whatever, at least I'm smart enough to figure things out on my own.

She started at 67 lbs., 73 lbs. almost two weeks ago, and still packing on those pounds to get to her perfect weight.

2010-05-23T22:29:00.002-05:00

Ugh... my girl probably has EPI, exocrine pancreatic insufficiency. Maybe this'll force us to go on a full RAW diet, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's why she's still really underweight. :( I wish I had caught on sooner, but we're consulting with a canine nutritionist who runs my awesome dog forum, and she's going to help Sakari!!

2010-05-13T21:12:00.001-05:00

Love my dog!

2010-05-13T13:21:00.002-05:00

Man, people are idiots.

My dog is NOT a golden retriever, nor does she even look like one! I mean c'mon.

Golden Retriever AKC Standard

http://www.akc.org/breeds/golden_retriever/

Sakari is 27.5 inches at the shoulder, which is 5 inches taller than the max for female Goldens, and in the middle for the female Pyrenees.

Sure she's crossed with something, but not a Lab or Golden.

If you're that interested in telling me what breed of dog I have, then do some more research. Idiot.

2010-05-07T23:42:00.003-05:00

Yeah, I wouldn't even want to know this much about myself.

I was thinking about posting a link to my blog on my Facebook page.

Nik and I are watching Buffy now, and saving the last four episodes of Arrested Development for a special night. After Buffy, we'll move on to one of my favorite shows ever - Angel. I miss The Dresden Files.

Big Bend was truly awesome. Nik, Sakari, and I had the best ten days of our lives! I love Cesar Millan (the Dog Whisperer), because I have a truly balanced dog. She is okay with meeting everyone and every dog, because she trusts us to take care of situations. She was an angel up at the resort, and everyone adored her. She'd lie out on the patio with me for hours. I got a whole lot of sun, as you can see in recent pictures.

We got to go to the coolest bar in Terlingua with a few of our favorite people in the world. This bar is incredible - we didn't get pictures, but here's a post to their website. And next time, we get to take Sakari to the bar!

la Kiva Restaurant & Bar

No pictures yet; I'm feeling lazy. I've got the best posted on Facebook, but I'll update this tomorrow or something.

I can't wait to go back!!

WHY

2010-05-02T02:15:00.002-05:00

Haven't I posted?? Geez.

Anyway, I don't think I'm going to post about Big Bend yet. We might (and we really, really, really want to) move to Terlingua, thirty minutes away from the resort.

Fingers crossed!

But, I will post pictures from our Doggy Play Day that we attended today, a fundraiser for a Lubbock dog park! :)

2010-04-26T14:14:00.003-05:00

I can't believe this is our last day here in Big Bend. We have renewed many friendships and made some new ones. 10 days has been such a wonderful time, but not nearly long enough.

Some hilarious moments, heartwarming ones, and embarrassing memories...

I really don't want to leave.

We're about to eat lunch, and Nik still has some work to finish up.

So much to post about once we're back in Lubbock. The only thing making me want to go back is the kitties, though.

2010-04-11T05:50:00.000-05:00

2010-04-05T04:35:00.000-05:00

Yawn

2010-03-31T08:18:00.001-05:00

2010-03-19T23:51:00.004-05:00

I've been working with Sakari really consistently on behavior and training, and today I got to work with Nik's mom's dog also. Jaxx is normally really, really stressed and anxious at the vet's office. She was calm and relaxed at the vet's office after I spent just a few minutes with her. Working with dogs might be in my future... Sakari went with us to the vet for moral support - Jaxx had a UTI. My dog and Jaxx were perfectly behaved. We met a long-haired Anatolian Shepherd that made Sakari look tiny! He was gorgeous, and weighed 120 pounds. I don't remember if I've mentioned it before, but Sakari is 26.5 inches tall at the shoulder, and weighs 64 pounds. She should weigh around 75. :( She's only gained three pounds in the four months that we've had her. Her coat hides how skinny she actually is, but her hipbones are too prominent, as well as her spine. At least her ribcage has a tiny bit of padding now. Slow and steady, right? The last picture is part of the very first night we spent with her.

2010-03-17T02:29:00.005-05:00

I ♥ this show and I don't care who knows!!

My blog is a dry hole right now. :( Big Bend in less than a month, though! And we'll have hundreds, maybe even thousands of pictures since we're staying for a full five days.

2010-03-10T22:14:00.004-06:00

Midnight still isn't quite a fan. (Of the dog, that is.) Sakari looks so sad whenever I get her treats out now... she hates doing "leave it". So we're taking a break from that for a while. ;) There was an absolutely gorgeous sunset before rain the other night. Midnight and Jasper have lost weight on Blue Buffalo! They look fantastic now, Midnight was pudgy and Jasper was starting to look a little rounded.

I'm anxious to hear what's going to happen with Arizona! Waiting is difficult...

2010-03-08T00:05:00.004-06:00

We cooked awesome chicken and dumplings at my mom's house today.

So Far

2010-03-07T23:55:00.002-06:00

What we know for sure right now is that Nik will be living next to the Grand Canyon for six months, then at another park for six months. I, Sakari, and the kitties might be living with him, depending on whether or not the accommodations are appropriate for four cats and a dog. They have large employee trailers down the road from the resorts. If those don't work out, we'll probably try to look for a furnished apartment or house in Arizona, as close as possible to the park.

We will probably find out more later this week, or closer to the end of March. The three of us are headed to Big Bend April 15, but Nik is flying to Arizona March 21 to help with preparing the resort for opening on April 5.

Hopefully we find out more soon!!

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG - OMGOMGOMGOMG... OOOMMMGGG!!!

2010-03-06T00:53:00.002-06:00

We're moving!! Nik is about to be employed with Forever Resorts. I think we're moving to Arizona. For six months...

So much to plan and figure out.

OMG!

OMGOMGOMGOMG!

2010-03-03T23:26:00.002-06:00

We're taking Sakari to Big Bend next month!!

That's not nearly enough exclamation points. :D

I can't believe we're getting to go back again this soon, and with our beautiful girl! It's going to be freaking amazing.

Man, we're going to come back with so many pictures, especially since Nik has such a nice camera now. :)

2010-03-03T02:59:00.001-06:00

My beautiful baby learns so quickly and is sooo wonderful. Love her to pieces. We bought twenty pounds of chicken yesterday... getting close to being ready for RAW!

That's a Big Gun, Sir!

2010-02-27T02:38:00.000-06:00

Love my weird babies!

2010-02-24T03:21:00.001-06:00

I hate fucking musicals.

Life in Texas

2010-02-24T02:04:00.002-06:00

It's definitely something else. Even if we end up moving, be it wherever Nik's job hunt takes him... it'll always hold a piece of my heart.

My Girl

2010-02-24T01:32:00.002-06:00

2010-02-22T14:11:00.004-06:00

We were in Morton and Levelland today, and it was fun. Even though we had to get up at 6 a.m. Krispy Kreme is a good motivator...

We're also getting more snow!!! This is... the fourth time this winter? I think. Crazy either way. Sakari and I love it, even if Nik doesn't. :D

2010-02-21T22:01:00.004-06:00

Angry kitty... (Chai Bear)

I had to make kissy noises at her to get this face.

Cuteness with her raccoon! (That I need to wash...)

New and improved eyebrows as of today -

so glad I finally got around to them.

Traveling in Texas

2010-02-21T00:56:00.004-06:00

My big, beautiful woolly puppy

Nik acting like he was going to eat one of Sakari's cookies...

(They're totally awesome human-grade puppy cookies from

Three Dog Bakery, and some of them even have carob chips!)

Family minus the kitty babies

2010-02-17T23:50:00.001-06:00

2010-02-15T01:30:00.004-06:00

I must be the only crazy person out past midnight walking my dog and training her with string cheese. In 25 degree weather. If you can't call that crazy...

Mom sent us home with meat to make won tons for ourselves. If it were up to me, I'd eat homemade Chinese food every day for the rest of my life. Hint to you, babe! Unfortunately Nik doesn't feel quite the same way; he needs "variety".

Granted, I guess I would want cheeseburgers, donuts, corn dogs, fried chicken, and steaks every once in a while. And maybe some other stuff.

At least walking, at any time, day or night is keeping my legs nicely muscled! (And I hadn't shaved in too long, I know Nik appreciated my efforts. Haha.)

2010-02-15T00:24:00.002-06:00

When my dog pants, it feels like we have a waterbed... ;) I've been whining at Nik to let me have a Corgi when we're not living in the apartment anymore. They are so cute! I'm really loving taking care of the babies.

I'd really like to keep training Sakari as well as I am, and even take her to obedience classes in the near future to get her Canine Good Citizen certificate. I think she would make a fantastic therapy dog.

Happy Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T01:21:00.004-06:00

Most of my Valentines are in this post... except for Jade and Jasper. We had pan-fried won tons at my mom's tonight and it was so good. I think I gained all the weight back though, haha! Sakari behaved so well. I'm happy.

2010-02-07T23:47:00.002-06:00

I have totally lost seven pounds!! Just by eating a little less (not stuffing myself until I'm sick), and walking the dog. It's crazy awesome. I can't wait to lose even more. Also, I do not want to watch any more football. I can't believe how many bullshit calls happen. And these "rules" are followed so loosely... there's not really a point to the game. All the drunken assholes in New Orleans can kiss Peyton Manning's ass.

2010-02-07T05:01:00.001-06:00

I wish I still looked like this!! That shirt magically disappeared, and it was one of my favorites, too. :(

2010-02-07T04:43:00.002-06:00

We are CRAZY for being awake!! I love the weekends!!! Go Colts! Maybe I'll try to get pictures while we're at Nik's mom's house tomorrow.

I ♥ everything and everyone. I'm sure once sunlight hits that'll change instantly. Stupid sun.

2010-02-04T22:11:00.002-06:00

Cold and foggy - no more snow, though. :( I can't believe we've had snow three times this year now...

I'm going to be 23 next month. Crazy! I really don't have that much else to post about. Guess that's all for tonight.

2010-02-03T00:28:00.002-06:00

I put a harness on a kitty today and it was hilarious.

I am so happy we have a dog.

Holidays are seeming a little less important, but it might be just my perspective.

I gotta find a new obsession to tide me over.

I dream about feeding Sakari raw meat. Is that too excited?

For the past six months, I've had a period every other month. Bizarre.

I have a wishlist. On it: a memory foam doggie bed, a pet fountain for the dog and cats to drink out of, and a Cat Genie. Those are just the big items.

We're taking Sakari to a hockey game in Odessa on March 10th! Pictures? Of course.

I keep wanting to - and stopping myself. Bad Ed.

AND, I have no freaking clue what to title this post.

2010-02-02T19:30:00.002-06:00

Bottom four pictures are Nik's. :)

More Snow, Yippee!

2010-01-29T02:23:00.004-06:00

The first picture is kitty footprints - not our babies', of course. They were snuggled up inside. ;)

I do not miss my short hair.

2010-01-23T06:29:00.001-06:00

Right...?

2010-01-23T05:51:00.002-06:00

I would totally be having a FAT day except for the fact that I weighed myself and lost three pounds! Yay for having a dog and being so in love with her that I make myself walk her daily (except for tonight because of the 30+ mph winds). Also, I'm way more excited about her diet than mine...

2010-01-19T01:08:00.002-06:00

Organize, organize, organize.
Take better care of my personal appearance than lately...
Keep researching raw food diets for the dog and possibly kitties.

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh.

2010-01-17T17:53:00.002-06:00

Fuck you people and your ridiculous, unwarranted hatred for Brett Favre. Shut. The. Hell. Up.

The Dog Park

2010-01-09T21:43:00.002-06:00

Even with no other dogs there, it was cool! Freaking Lubbock. At least there's the possibility of one in March of next year. That would be a nice birthday present.

2010-01-07T13:20:00.004-06:00

It was perfect!! We even brought her bed and pillows in the car. I can't believe Amarillo has a dog park and Lubbock doesn't. It's so unfair. :( Nik's pictures are still on his camera- I might post them later.

(Away in Venice, Do Not Disturb)

2010-01-05T00:44:00.004-06:00

Dalhart here we come! We're leaving at 7:30 a.m. tomorrow. Everyone cross your fingers that Sakari will be okay with a 3 1/2 hour drive. If all goes well, Nik and I would love to take her to Big Bend this year... they want us to come back the next time he can get some time off!

I'm sure I'll have plenty of pictures to post Wednesday evening, since we'll be bringing both our cameras. When Nik called the hotel to make reservations, the woman was really sweet. I was nervous since Sakari is a Great Pyrenees, and she asked what breed! She just said to make sure we brushed her before we came, haha. Luckily it's still really cold and Sakari isn't shedding at all. I'm training her to be obedient thanks to NILIF. She doesn't bark or drool, either. And she's really happy. :)

I really, really love Assassin's Creed 2. So much. Every bit of free time goes to that game.

What what

2010-01-04T13:41:00.003-06:00

I want to pack up our kitties and dog and live in Assassin's Creed 2. Please? 29 hours invested is not enough. :(

We found pet friendly hotels in Dalhart! Since Nik has to go there and spend the night on Tuesday... some of them even have no weight limit.

Nik's Photography

2009-12-27T21:50:00.005-06:00

Nik has been using his Christmas present- a Canon Rebel T1i. :) The first two pictures are me and my camera, and the rest are his. He's still getting back into the swing of it.

Sakari really loves riding in the truck. She climbs in and goes to sleep instantly on the floorboard.

Fourteen degrees outside!!

2009-12-26T01:18:00.005-06:00

Right now! It's snowy, incredibly icy, and great. We stayed at Nik's mom's house overnight Christmas Eve and through Christmas. I can't believe how much snow we got this year, especially after having none on Christmas last year. Something like five inches, but in the drifts it felt even deeper. More like a foot??

Anyway- the pictures. Us and our gorgeous puppy.

2009-12-23T03:05:00.004-06:00

Nik has been off since Tuesday!! And he's off until Tuesday. We got a lot of the apartment so organized and clean today- it's great. We also took Sakari to Petsmart to be groomed. She smelled like sugar cookies afterwards, and looked gorgeous. One of the employees there said she had to be a purebred, and all she was lacking was size. Since she's only ten months old, the size will definitely come. Also, my mom lives next door to a woman who rescues Great Pyrenees for most of west Texas, and she said Sakari is definitely a purebred, with perfect markings.

So, here are some pictures. The first is when the kitties saw Sakari for the first time...

We love all our babies so incredibly much! (And spoil them rotten, as you can probably tell.)

Sakari

2009-12-18T13:52:00.002-06:00

2009-12-17T02:11:00.002-06:00

"Sakari" is our beautiful, more than likely purebred Great Pyrenees dog. She is wonderful. She's still a puppy, so I have to roughhouse with her at times, but it's totally worth it. We took a two mile long walk tonight, and we're both pretty tired. Nik and I decided on Sakari, since it sounds really gorgeous and seems to fit her.

Nik is coming home tomorrow!! His company's Christmas party is tomorrow night, if we're going. I'm cooking fried chicken for him and his family on Saturday, and I'm really excited. Pictures probably that night or Sunday. :) And Sakari will be there of course. She gets along so well with Nik's mom's miniature Pinscher!

Names

2009-12-15T16:31:00.005-06:00

Atka (Eskimo for guardian spirit)
Blitzen
Cadence

Furbulous
Indigo

Moonbeam
Moxie
Nova
Qannik (Eskimo for snowflake)
Sable

Sacha
Sakari (Eskimo for sweet)
Shortcake

Furbulous and Shortcake are more for laughs than anything else.

Old Hat

2009-12-15T16:23:00.004-06:00

Our romantic dinner last night while we watched the Cardinals and 49ers play (helping Nik win the Superbowl in his Fantasy league, yay!), and some really cute pictures of our sweetie. I'll make a list of names we need to decide on in another post.

2009-12-15T02:55:00.002-06:00

I'm too tired to get the pictures off my camera right now, and I want to hurry so I can get in bed with Nik. He has to go to Dalhart again tomorrow, and will probably be gone through Thursday. I want so badly to go with him, but I need to stay here with the dog (whom we still haven't named yet- it has to be really special!) I helped my mom at her business in Idalou today, and took the dog with me. I'll be home all day tomorrow, and keeping track of Nik. I'm so worried about him having to drive all that way by himself.

We found our new pet outside a gas station on the way home from Dalhart Friday night. She was muddy, covered in burrs, and really pitiful looking. She was lying down blocking the door to the station so that people would have to push her out of the way to leave. Everyone really avoided her, so I had to get out of the vehicle and pet her. We tried to leave, but she followed us onto a pretty major street. After going back to the gas station and getting her to safety, we spent thirty minutes trying to decide whether we should take her home or not. That night we bathed her in the shower and ran out of hot water. The next morning, we took her to the vet and she got a clean bill of health, except for being malnourished (she was about ten or fifteen pounds underweight). Nik and I only have a small apartment, and the kitties. I know this isn't a great situation, but I take her out a lot for walks, and we have to make this work for now. I'm a little concerned that she's been taking all the cats' toys away.

I'm really tired and stressed right now. Nik and I are crazy about each other and happy, but we've been having some weird fights lately for dumb reasons. His job is going horribly right now. I really want to fix all this for him. I don't want to go to Idalou with my mom Wed.-Fri., but I feel obligated to help her. God I'm just tired, and really looking forward to tomorrow except for the fact that Nik is leaving. I'm going to clean and make sure the dog and cats keep working towards getting along. And I'll also be on the phone with Nik as much as possible. This post sounds really negative, but we are okay. The dog has been great. We get to take her out, to Petsmart, his mom's house, and lots of other places. She helps us meet other people and animals also. This stress is just pooling in the pit of my stomach. I'm scared, and I hope it'll help that I admitted it. Really, really scared. I need this all to work and I'm feeling completely overwhelmed. I'm also trying to eat less. Dieting. My stomach hurts right now and I am desperately hoping that sleep will make this all go away.

Guess WHAT

2009-12-13T02:53:00.004-06:00

We are... the new proud parents... of a Great Pyrenees mix. We are totally in love and will get some better pictures of her soon.

2009-12-11T03:21:00.002-06:00

I am so terrified of rejection, even when I act like I'm not. Maybe that's what stops me from making friends.

Realization = possible progress

I've got nothing to lose, right?

2009-12-11T02:46:00.009-06:00

This is some of the funniest stuff ever. Nik's mom's dog, Jaxx, had a couple shirts that she doesn't wear. We brought them home to try on the cats... so freaking cute!!

Nik and I are going to Dalhart, Texas, tomorrow. From everything I've heard it sounds awful. Oh well.

2009-12-10T15:36:00.003-06:00

This is what's holding me together (besides Nik).

Snowglobe Weather

2009-12-09T22:48:00.003-06:00

I'm venting a little. I was thinking about Facebook, and I thought it would be cool if there was a "Like" button for people, not just statuses. :) Also, I realized that I spend way too much online, because sometimes my thoughts are in the form of status updates. I don't do them, because basically that's twittering, and Twitter is gay, but I read plenty of them on Facebook. I'm not against people posting them, either, because it's a good way to keep up.

And I love this weather, for all you jackasses who won't put up with it once a year. The accidents are unfortunate, and some people just don't know how to drive, but I love cold weather! I'm a little tired of people bitching about it.

I really think it's dumb that I have to put up with more shit concerning my family than most other people. My Chinese grandmother talking about me being fat. I am overweight, but not obese. I am ridiculously healthy and quite happy. I eat one meal a day five or six days of the week, and I try to exercise. (I realize that the one meal probably contributes to the extra pounds.) So shut the fuck up and leave me the hell alone. My mom puts up with that stuff, and talks about how it's the culture, but if they ever, EVER say something to my face, I will tell them exactly how I feel. I'm quiet and sweet for the most part. But I build up a lot of anger and hatred. I don't have religion or morals to shut up my indignation. So these people need to be afraid. That "family" has made me feel ugly for most of my life, starting from when I was old enough to realize people look different. I was a child. Screw blood, I have no fucking obligations.

Yay, another painfully honest post. At least I don't have to worry about what people think of me (although sometimes I still do). Like I said previously, I am a cool person and Nik loves me. :)

Yadda

2009-12-08T02:15:00.003-06:00

I made the yummiest homemade chicken and dumplings ever on Saturday night for Nik's family and us. It tasted really good and definitely festive. It's been so cold lately (25 degrees right now), and we're supposed to have hurricane winds tomorrow. Hopefully Nik will have a safe trip as he's doing an out of town install tomorrow, and could possibly be staying the night.

We probably won't go bowling Thursday night. I'm pretty sure that's a good thing. Tonight I've been working on achievements for Assassin's Creed, and I'll more than likely keep working on completing games for the next couple of days.

2009-12-04T06:01:00.002-06:00

Eww. :(

What is wrong with me?

Intelligent
Kind
Hard working
Empathic
Perceptive

Snap judgmental
Hypocritical
Klutzy
Procrastinates
Forgetful

I really wish I had better conversation skills. Self doubt plays a big factor in what I do and don't say. And I hate screwing up in public because I wasn't paying attention. Whatever. I am interesting, and funny, and memorable. Special. So I'll go crawl into a hole and be left alone now. I get along so much better with people my parents' age. Screw you twenty somethings. :)

Caught Up

2009-12-01T23:50:00.009-06:00

Nik is actually going to be home tonight! :) Anyway, I'm just going to upload photos from yesterday at Perini Ranch in Buffalo Gap, and a few from around Abilene.

These next couple are us with a 5600 pound armadillo.

Lastly, a ridiculously large and awesome mansion, and a really cool full moon after eating at my uncle's restaurant.

Once again, Blogger can't post pictures for crap, but there's not really much I can do about it. Sorry about the distortion.

sNOw

2009-12-01T15:49:00.002-06:00

Pity party with coffee ice cream at my place!

This was the view looking out from our balcony this morning- it's all melted away as of now. :( And Nik is gone. I need to cheer myself up.

2009-12-01T00:35:00.002-06:00

I'm putting off a long blog post until tomorrow. Nik is going out of town and will more than likely be gone overnight, so...

We were in Abilene today, and had a fantastic time. I'm really tired.

Hello, Christmas

2009-11-29T02:19:00.004-06:00

Deep-fried turkey is delicious. "Special" brownies. Not really our thing, but we got to have my sister and her husband over. I just love the holidays.

Thanksgiving '09

2009-11-27T00:48:00.004-06:00

2009-11-13T02:41:00.002-06:00

I am so glad the weekend is almost here. My fingers, wrists, forearms, and biceps are sore from Rock Band 2- no more of that for a while. It didn't help that Nik and I went bowling with his coworker tonight. We had a lot of fun, though, and should probably try to make it every week. Even though I really suck, the people are nice and we have a blast. We're not typically very social. Not in a bad way; it's just hard to find cool friends! :) My eyelids are getting really heavy but I'm waiting on our bedding to dry.

MW2

2009-11-11T18:22:00.006-06:00

We got Modern Warfare 2 at the midnight release, and it is so badass! Nik bought the prestige edition, so it came with NVG's.

Don't they look cool? He hasn't gotten to try them out yet, because we need to get some batteries.

Our sexy selves right after we picked up the game. There were so many people there, including a Marine!

These are my stats playing the beginning of the game today. ;) 120% accuracy...

2009-11-09T19:33:00.003-06:00

Nik's mom has swine flu. :( It seems as if she's on her way to getting better, though, and apparently the mortality rate in Lubbock is ridiculously low. I was over at their house today and I'll be going over tomorrow. It feels really good to be helping them- I actually feel useful. Nik is taking a nap, then we might be going to the midnight release for Modern Warfare 2 at GameStop. I'm logged in to Nik's fantasy football team, and he could totally win!! Hopefully the Steelers defense will keep doing awesome. He's up by two points. The NFL play-by-play for the Steelers/Broncos game is so cool. After I finish this post I'll have to go in the other room and actually watch the game...

My new haircut and the cute puppy.

Leafy

2009-11-07T04:30:00.006-06:00

Fall is trying to seduce me!! Winter is still my season. But so many gorgeous colors... this day was all about beautiful trees, me and the puppy on a walk (which means halfway through I have to carry her when her legs are tired), Jade's double on the street, and a gorgeous moon. I couldn't capture it like I wanted but it's still cool.

The first cat is Jade, for reference- I know they don't look exactly the same, but I've never seen a cat like Jade before. I wanted to take him home! Nik has been on the pager this week, for his work, and we had to go to Amarillo tonight, from 10:00 p.m. to 3:30 a.m. since it's two hours away. We had an amazing time talking, though, my throat is hoarse! I can't believe how much I love him.

2009-11-05T00:11:00.002-06:00

I know it'll be a while before you read this. You're asleep, and sick. I can't believe how amazing it still is to wake up with you. Even when I'm self-conscious about morning breath. Which is silly, because you know the worst things about me after 2 1/2 years. I know that I don't do nearly enough for you- I wish I could take better care of the one person that means everything to me.

I wish I could express how much I'm still in love with you, but there's nothing I can say that means enough. You're my entire life and world. Miss you, sweetheart. I can't wait to see you in the morning.

Autumn

2009-11-02T12:52:00.003-06:00

Nik and I have a great evening planned watching football. Go Saints!

All In the Wrist

2009-10-30T04:24:00.000-05:00

Blissfully happy.

10/27/09

2009-10-28T13:22:00.011-05:00

Our kitties really love TV. Especially Animal Planet. As you can see, however, Jade isn't really interested. Jasper enjoys watching football with us. Can you believe that they all manage to fit on the bed with Nik and me?

Midnight was probably feeling a little traumatized at this moment in time. I left the bedroom for a while, and when I came back in, lions were killing their cubs on Animal Planet. She was the only one awake, and looked absolutely terrified. I felt awful.

I took this in Amarillo with Nik- no makeup. Yikes! On the bright side, just in time for Halloween...

The gorgeous sunset we were able to watch while Nik drove home.

2009-10-20T23:16:00.009-05:00

Let's see... kitties being ridiculously cute, the corn maze, a hay ride to the pumpkin patch, the free tiny pumpkin/gourd that the really cool dude (pictured) gave me, and an awesome night. Even with some fat teenage cow, oops I mean girl, trying to get Nik's attention the whole time...

xoxo

2009-10-20T01:57:00.002-05:00

I've really been slacking, but I'll make up for it with pictures tomorrow night- we're going to the corn maze. Nik's mom is having a work get-together. It should be fun. I've got to remember to charge my camera batteries!

2009-10-19T15:27:00.002-05:00

Man, I love Brad Garrett's 7up commercial. :) It makes me feel so happy! That and the fact that we're having S'mores for dessert almost every night. Honey Maid graham crackers, Jet Puffed marshmallows, and Hershey's chocolate bars, just the way they're supposed to be made.

:(

2009-10-18T19:29:00.002-05:00

I love you. And I really hope everything's going to be okay.

Honk If You're...

2009-10-09T09:23:00.001-05:00

I really can't stand kiss-ass people.

I love how in Lubbock, we jump straight from summer to winter. It's dark and overcast outside, and really cold!! I'm almost in a winter wonderland. I can't wait to play Christmas music, and bake S'mores cookies, and drink hot chocolate...

2009-10-08T16:34:00.004-05:00

Ugh! I can smell the cut grass outside and it stinks. And it's not quite as overcast as it was this morning... I guess I'm just wanting to bitch about those things. Wow. Mymeebas??

Goodbye, Moment

2009-10-08T01:27:00.004-05:00

Damn. I was all set to write a nice, long blog post about how I've been watching lots of television, Nik is ill, and I'm all set to start watching all five seasons of Angel...

but I lost interest.

So I'm going to read a book online for a little while then snuggle into bed with my baby.

Peectures

2009-10-01T09:35:00.011-05:00

Isn't this a yummy car? We saw it in Big Bend, when we got back to our room after Nik finished using the cell phone service down a really winding, pitch-black road. But anyway, the car is a Lotus. It was mysteriously clean.

Next set of pictures was at the waterfall in the box canyon. It wasn't quite the wet season, so it's smaller than you'd expect.

This is when we got in air conditioning. The hike was exceptionally long, and we were so excited about just seeing the van, haha. We were also sunburned, if you can't tell.

I just felt like throwing in a shot of the Rio. When we reached the checkpoint for the border patrol, the guy who checked us stared at me really intently as we drove up. I know he thought I was Mexican. It was almost funny... until we got cavity searches and I'm back in Mexico. ;)

The Importance Of...

2009-10-01T08:59:00.002-05:00

Self-importance is really addictive, isn't it? I like dreaming, for the most part, because it's one of the few times I'm completely immersed in my own, immutable little world, that's all about me mE ME. In the conscious world, however, I guess you could say I'm an internal gossip. Well, I let Nik know some things too.

That's what harmless stalking does. It isn't entirely harmless, because being that enamored (the only real word that came to mind) of other people puts a lower value on my self-worth, by natural process. Sometimes I like knowing that I'm on the other side also.

Alcohol and Such

2009-09-30T23:35:00.002-05:00

I don't get how I can feel all the physical sensations of being buzzed from half a Mike's. The mango one is actually pretty good. I'm completely sober, yet my neck is really heavy and my cheeks are numb. Weird. But I've discussed this with a few people before. I have a natural buzz all the time... high dopamine and all that jazz.

So, no getting drunk unless I'm really depressed? A.k.a. while I was broken up with Nik last year.

2009-09-30T02:23:00.001-05:00

Did I mention that my hair is getting awesomely long again? I also haven't dyed it in over a year. This leads to seeing at least four white hairs every time I look at my head.

Oh... Those

2009-09-30T02:16:00.002-05:00

Lots to Love

2009-09-28T16:52:00.004-05:00

What a weird couple of days. I've had "Do You Believe In Magic" stuck in my head a lot lately. Sunday morning I had really intense pain in my chest every time I breathed. It started in a dream I was having, and woke me sometime afterwards. I had to take a lot of Advil, and Nik gave me something else a little stronger to help. It continued throughout the day. Luckily, this morning, the pain was mostly gone.

My little man has been so needy and cuddly ever since we returned from Big Bend. He snuggles in Nik's lap every night and comes over to lie on top of my back for a few minutes (since I'm normally on my stomach watching Nik play). This was just a cuddly afternoon for him, however.

Where's Chai Bear?

2009-09-25T16:27:00.001-05:00

Haha... I was in the kitchen and came out to this. What's wrong with the picture?

Must Love...

2009-09-25T15:42:00.002-05:00

I'm such a sucker for anything romantic. A couple years ago I thought it was cool to have this semblance of a tough facade. I'm sure anyone who knew me well enough saw right through it. Luckily, it saved me during many previous relationships. Walling off my heart and not becoming attached prevented a lot of teenage heartbreak.

I learned how to deal with rejection at an early age. It fed my insecurities, making me feel like I was worthy of no one. Therefore, I never held a true relationship. I love my mother. But she instilled in me the fact that I wasn't pretty, and that way I'd know if someone truly loved me. To this day, I'm haunted by the fear that maybe, even if someone does love me, they can love someone else also, someone attractive.

Revealing any sort of pain is so difficult. I'm really good at blocking off my softer emotions when I don't know someone well. When I'm upset around Nik, he knows, because I don't talk and don't express much of anything. I do understand now that this is hurtful to him. So we work through that.

I've become a lot more open with my feelings in the time I've known Nik. It's okay to express anything and everything to him. I haven't worn makeup for a week, and I know he still finds me attractive. How lucky am I?? Little steps. I have made myself more vulnerable to one person than everyone I've known in my lifetime thus far.